In Love... and In Danger

Cut the Cat Calls and Come Ons

2011-08-08T12:08:00.003-04:00

Every woman I know has a story (or many stories) to tell about a random guy (or many guys) catcalling, whistling, gesturing, or honking at her while she's walking down the street. Later in the evening of the day I decided to write a blog post about this phenomenon, a man approached me while I was walking my dog, Toby, and said, “Cute dog. What breed?” I thanked him, replied and continued to walk toward my destination. Then he turned to follow me and said, “You’re pretty cute yourself, eh?” When I ignored him, he followed a few more steps and eventually turned back in the opposite direction. Even with the dog, my heart was thudding. It was after dark and many other women I know have been groped or followed by men on the street under similar circumstances. Although for some this incident might seem relatively innocuous ('nothing' happened!), I know I am not alone in my apprehension (his comments were unsolicited and unwelcome – something more could have happened!).

Holly Kearl, author of Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming for Women, defines these and other behaviours as street harassment: “Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender… Street harassment is a human rights issue because it limits women’s ability to be in public as often or as comfortably as most men.” (Source: http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/about/what-is-street-harassment/) This is exactly my struggle and that of countless other women. I want to go out in my neighbourhood without having to worry about my safety when a man approaches me.

On the subject of catcalls, people will say to me, “Women do it, too.” True. On the subject of safety, men will say to me, “We have to worry about getting assaulted, too.” Also true. But Kearl makes clear the general distinction between men’s and women’s experiences. She notes, “[w]hile women also may harass men in public, gender inequality means that the power dynamics at play, frequency of the harassment, and the underlying threat of rape is rarely comparable.” Kearl is not excusing women who harass men in public; harassment is harassment. But, it is important to highlight the social context for this issue; like the statistics on domestic violence, most street harassment happens to women by men.

And what of the women who feel that street harassment is mostly harmless or even flattering? Sure, there are times when someone shouts something nice and it boosts the ego. One of my friends always waves back and flashes a smile when someone honks at her. Of the 811 women surveyed for her research, Kearl observes “[v]ery few women said they liked the sexually explicit comments or being honked at or whistled at, but there were about 25 per cent who said that they felt happy or grateful or flattered when someone commented on their appearance.” (Source: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/guys-catcalls-are-never-cool/article1505667/print/)

The thing is, there are many more respectful ways for men and women to show their appreciation for one another. When someone I know tells me I’m looking good, it’s a compliment. When a stranger approaches me and, to communicate his attraction, says that he could ‘tap that’ (or any variation on that theme), it’s harassment. Hey stranger, I don’t need you telling me I’m beautiful to feel a sense of self worth! Men who harass women on the street fail to recognize that most women see that kind of behaviour as a complete turn off. Many men are also dismissive of – and some even enjoy – the skewed power dynamics in these interactions. When women explicitly or implicitly (by their body language) ask men to stop engaging with them in this manner, many men assert power by continuing to comment, mock, and even physically invade a woman’s space.

There are a number of successful campaigns against street harassment, including the internationally known website Hollaback. The website encourages women who have experienced street harassment to share their stories publicly. Sharing and venting helps to remove the feelings of shame and isolation many women feel after they’ve experienced street harassment. And by calling out harassers, by posting photos or physical descriptions of them, as well as the locations where they hang out, women are shifting the focus from victim blaming to perpetrator blaming.

Men who want to end street harassment and who want to show their support can do the following:

- If you want to meet a woman on the street, start with “Hello.” Avoid loaded comments/questions. (A good rule of thumb: think about whether your mom or grandmother would feel uncomfortable with the question/comment.) If you try to talk to a woman on the street – even with the best of intentions – and she ignores you, it’s her right. Move on.
- Remember that a woman you encounter on the street doesn’t know you’re one of 'the good ones.' Because of the legacy of street harassment and sexual assault, women are constantly evaluating the threat posed by men they encounter on the street. If it’s after dark, give extra space.
- Call out men when they catcall, honk, etc. Tell them why it’s not cool…
- Offer help or support to a woman if you think someone is harassing her. Again, respect a woman’s right to say no to your offer of assistance.
- Call 9-11 if a woman you know is being harassed or assaulted.

Kearl lists a bunch of other suggestions for male allies on her website at this link: http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/male-allies/how-to-talk-to-women/

Other Online Resources About Street Harassment:

Ottawa's Hollaback: http://ottawa.ihollaback.org/

http://feministing.com/2011/03/21/the-day-after-international-anti-street-harassment-day/

Initiatives in Afghanistan: http://www.thewip.net/contributors/2011/07/young_women_launch_afghanistan.html

Elizabeth May (Executive Director, Hollaback) Street Harassment TedX Video:

Hollaback PSA:

The Astronomical Kid – Stop Looking at my Moms:

Cartoon:

http://www.leftycartoons.com/street-harassment/

What do you think about street harassment? Have any tips for guys or girls?

CIC Youth Program - Ladies Night on Tuesdays from 4-6 pm

2011-06-13T16:07:00.000-04:00

Positive Spaces -- Improve Services for LGBTQ Newcomer Youth

2011-06-02T14:27:00.000-04:00

Sending Our Love to Mother Teresa High School

2011-05-30T12:37:00.001-04:00

On Thursday of last week, an explosion at Mother Teresa Catholic High School injured several students and a teacher. Grade twelve student Eric Leighton later died in hospital. Family, friends, students and staff at Mother Teresa and the whole Ottawa community are reeling from this tragedy.

There has been an outpouring of support for all those affected by this loss, including a beautiful banner by students at Longfields-Davidson Heights High School:

(Source: Mother Teresa Catholic High School website, http://www.ottawacatholicschools.ca/teh/content.php?doc=7269)

I didn’t know Eric personally, but our staff has been lucky to work with many Mother Teresa students through the In Love… and In Danger Program. We are devastated by your loss.

We hope that, in the days and weeks to come, you all have someone you can talk to and lean on as you grieve. We hope that you get the space, support, and comfort that you need.

We are sending out our thoughts and our prayers to you.

Funeral Information: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/story/2011/05/30/ottawa-leighton-funeral.html

Global Voices: A Mother’s Day Manifesto

2011-05-09T14:55:00.001-04:00

Craig and Marc Kielburger write a weekly column for The Toronto Star. In this week's column, Craig and Marc cite examples of the devastating violence that women experience around the world, including in our own country, and recommit themselves to working with a 'fierce feminist resolve' in honour of Mother's Day: TheStar Global Voices: A Mother’s Day manifesto

Sexual Assault Prevention Month

2011-04-29T18:58:00.000-04:00

May is Sexual Assault Prevention Month. In Ottawa alone, eight women are sexually assaulted every day and only one will ever report it to the police (Hidden from Sight, OCTEVAW 2009). It is scary that this crime is so prevalent and that, in a majority of cases, it goes unreported. So what can we do? We can talk about sexual assault in public and private forums, we can share resources – such as this article by the Ontario Women’s Directorate (What Every Girl and Woman Should Know About Sexual Assault), and we can participate in creative events – such as the Clothesline Project. Each year, women and male allies in Ottawa participate in the Clothesline Project to raise public awareness about violence and sexual violence perpetrated against girls and women.

The Clothesline Project has been around since 1990 when a coalition of women's groups from Massachusetts decided to paint t-shirts with messages of solidarity for women who have experienced violence and messages of remembrance for women who have died at the hands of their intimate partners to “educate, break the silence and bear witness to […] violence against women” (http://www.clotheslineproject.org/History.html). Since that time, women from around the world have been participating in the Clothesline Project, hanging their t-shirts on a symbolic clothesline to “air society’s dirty laundry,” so to speak:

“The concept was simple - let each woman tell her story in her own unique way, using words and/or artwork to decorate her shirt. Once finished, she would then hang her shirt on the clothesline. This very action serves many purposes. It acts as an educational tool for those who come to view the Clothesline; it becomes a healing tool for anyone who make a shirt - by hanging the shirt on the line, survivors, friends and family can literally turn their back on some of that pain of their experience and walk away; finally it allows those who are still suffering in silence to understand that they are not alone.” (http://www.clotheslineproject.org/History.html)

This year, Ottawa’s Clothesline Project will be taking place on Sunday, May 29^th at Minto Park from 11:00 – 4:00 pm. Think about joining in to paint your own shirt! If you’re unavailable on Sunday, May 29^th, get your school or community group together to paint t-shirts ahead of time. Make your own clothesline display or choose a rep who can drop off your t-shirts on May 29^th at Minto Park.

If you’d like, you can also join the Sexual Assault Network (SAN), the Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women (OCTEVAW), and In Love and In Danger (ILID) members - as well as other participants – at Family Services Ottawa on Thursday, May 26th for an informal gathering to paint t-shirts as a testament to all types of violent experiences against women.

We will be providing up to 20 t-shirts and paint supplies at no cost. If you have a shirt that is on its way out from your closet, please bring it with you and we will recycle it for this important cause.

Details: Family Services à la famille Ottawa

Date: Thursday, May 26th

Time: Noon – 1:30 p.m.

Where: 312 Parkdale Ave, Ottawa, ON K1Y 4X5

Room 6

Check out http://www.clotheslineproject.org/ for information about organizing your own clothesline or fundraiser.

Sexual Assault Prevention Month, Ontario

http://www.citizenship.gov.on.ca/owd/english/resources/information/dates/assault.shtml

Send us your pictures of your Clothesline t-shirts and we’ll post them on the blog! What else are you doing to participate in Sexual Assault Prevention Month?

Day of Pink - April 13, 2011

2011-04-12T20:01:00.000-04:00

Break out your pink clothes because tomorrow is the Day of Pink, a day against bullying, discrimination and homophobia in schools and communities. The Day of Pink started when a teen in Cambridge, Nova Scotia was bullied for wearing pink to school. In response, his friends and peers came to school also wearing pink to show support and take a stand against bullying. Since then, the Day of Pink's become a yearly tradition. People of all ages participate, inundating their schools and workplaces with pink to raise awareness about bullying and to celebrate differences.

The Day of Pink website has some more background on the initiative and it also has suggestions for organizing Day of Pink celebrations and fundraising events.

Many also celebrate Pink Shirt Day, which is based around the same premise. For more information about Pink Shirt Day, check out: http://www.pinkshirtday.ca/%20

What are you doing to celebrate Day of Pink?

The true value of International Women’s Day - Columns - Opinion - The Western Star

2011-03-18T14:44:00.000-04:00

The true value of International Women’s Day - Columns - Opinion - The Western Star

Celebrating 100 Years of International Women's Day

2011-03-08T15:21:00.002-05:00

Happy International Women's Day! Today we celebrate 100 years of International Women's Day (IWD). The theme for International Women's Day 2011 is Girls' Rights Matter. Yasir Naqvi, MPP for Ottawa Centre, issued a public statement suggesting that "[t]his theme encourages us to reflect on the situation of girls in Canada, and to look beyond our domestic opportunities to the international context. Far too many girls and women around the world do not have access to education, health care or employment. They face severe challenges to achieving equality or maintaining security." Here in Ottawa, local events celebrating this theme are happening all day.

Early this morning, I had the pleasure of heading to Parliament Hill to hear my friend and colleague, Erin Williams, Executive Director of the Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women, speak along with other notable women, including Nobel Laureate Jody Williams.

Erin's talk was exactly what I needed to hear. She reflected that many people, whether they call themselves feminist or not, are working toward equality in their everyday actions. Her own grandmother raised six children as a single mother; she taught her kids -- three boys and three girls -- to put themselves out there, to be brave about building the kind of world they want to live in, where everyone is treated with the respect that is their inherent right. (Erin's grandmother might not call herself a feminist, but her values speak for themselves.)

Erin admitted that, when prepping her speech, she began to have doubts. She asked herself, "What do I really have to say about International Women's Day, about women's rights? Who am I to speak when I am only one woman with one perspective?" She decided that she would put those feelings out there.

This reminded me of a Marianne Williamson quote that encourages us to embrace what we have to offer the world, because it is more than enough: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... [W]hen we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Erin bravely shared her ideas about women's rights with us, letting her light shine. From this, I recognized the huge value in sharing the diverse experiences and perspectives that individual women bring forward in their work for equality. These voices overlap and blend together to create "the women's movement" today. We might not realize it, but every time we make a decision, say something, do something to challenge inequality, we build on the foundation that previous generations of women and men laid out. We've come a long way -- the work's been happening for way more than a hundred years -- but we've also got a long way to go.

Erin closed with a take on the Broadway musical Rent's popular song Seasons of Love, which measures a year in minutes (525,600 to be precise). This time, Erin catalogued 52,560,000 minutes -- one hundred years for women's rights:

Fifty-two million, five hundred and sixty thousand minutes
Fifty-two million, five hundred and sixty thousand moments so clear

Fifty-two million, five hundred and sixty thousand minutes
How do you measure, measure one hundred years?

In protests, in rallies, in marches, in lack of day cares
In speeches, in access, in laughter, in strife

In petitions, in caravans, in unions, in lack of housing
In choices, in glass ceilings, in moments of rage

In fifty-two million, five hundred and sixty thousand minutes
How do you measure a hundred years for women's rights?

In affidavits, in exclusion, in education, in cuts to funding
In violence, in poverty, in reproductive rights

In inclusion, in exclusion, in education, in cuts to research
In civil, political, and economic say

Fifty-two million, five hundred and sixty thousand minutes
How do you measure, measure women's rights?

How about diversity? How about pay equity? How about no patriarchy?
Measure in equality

She couldn't have said it better. So, I'm sending out this Shad video as a cheers to all the work you do to end violence against women and make a safer, more equitable world where we, and future generations of women, can thrive. -- KEEP SHINING!

Other links to check out:

International Women's Day Website
http://www.internationalwomensday.com/

International Women's Day, Status of Women Canada
http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/dates/iwd-jif/index-eng.html

Ottawa Marks International Women's Day - Ottawa Citizen, March 8, 2011
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/Ottawa+marks+International+Women/4398808/story.html

Wrapping up another year for ILID

2011-03-08T10:24:00.011-05:00

Last week's conference wrapped up another successful year for ILID!

Students shared their wonderful initiatives to help raise awareness of violence in dating relationships. Notre Dame High School performed a slam poetry presentation relating to dating violence, Immaculata and Mother Theresa High School prepared a PowerPoint presentation of all the events that took place in their school over the year, St. Mark High School prepared a PowerPoint presentation with pictures of the “In Love and In Danger” wall mural they created, and Lisgar Collegiate Institute also created a PowerPoint presentation that included a handprint mural they created. Erin Lee Todd returned to give another amazing talk, while Bruce and Sarah emceed the day. Tons of prizes and throw aways were given and there was even a surprise performance by Bruce, Jude, and Dj Nashito from Brothers League.

We would like to thank everyone who joined us. It was great to see all of you again and to celebrate all of the amazing initiatives you put together in your schools. We would also like to thank all those who made the day go by smoothly and successfully.

If you missed out on the fun this year, don't worry we will be back next year!

It's that time again!

2011-02-28T15:05:00.000-05:00

Don't Forget...

What: In Love...and In Danger Spring Conference 2011

When: This Thursday, March 3 2011

Grab your school team and join us for a day of interactive learning as students from St. Mark's, Immaculata, Notre Dame, and Mother Theresa present their initiatives on raising awareness of dating violence in teen relationships.

Get ready for a day full of learning, fun, giveaways, and Subway!!

Bill C-389

2011-02-11T15:44:00.000-05:00

The In Love...and In Danger program works to end violence in dating relationships in the Ottawa area. Violence occurs not only in dating relationships but in many different areas of people’s lives and is based on a number of different factors, gender being one of them.

For many the results of last night's vote regarding Bill C-389, which aims to give transgender and transsexual Canadians explicit rights under the Human Rights Act and Hate Crimes Provisions of the Criminal Code, was highly anticipated and long overdue.

In speaking last night, Bill Siksay NDP MP for Burnaby—Douglas (B.C.) finished his speech stating, "I am confident that the change we seek will come. Justice will be done, and perhaps very soon the open and proud voice of transgender and transsexual Canadians will be heard loudly and clearly in this place. I hope that very soon an open member of the trans community will be elected and be able to directly, and from personal experience, voice the concerns of the community here in the House of Commons. There are celebrations to come." (Source: http://openparliament.ca/bills/2076/)

The transgender and transsexual community face a long history of violence and discrimination. We believe that every person in Canada should be accorded the same rights and freedoms; the passing of Bill C-389 is a step toward creating a safer and more accepting Canada for the trans community.

For more information please visit: http://openparliament.ca/bills/2076/
http://www.xtra.ca/public/National/Trans_rights_bill_heads_to_the_Senate-9756.aspx

Black History Month

2011-02-08T12:26:00.001-05:00

Our program works to end violence in dating relationships in the Ottawa area, but it is part of the bigger and ongoing movement to end violence against women across the world. In that spirit, we love recognizing movements that, directly or indirectly, work to reduce individual communities' experience of violence. So much violence persists in our world because of discrimination and fear. When communities who have experienced discrimination and abuse come together with their allies to celebrate, honour, and share specific traditions and heritage, they bring light to dark situations.

We wanted to write about Black History Month because Black History celebrations are born out of that light. These celebrations are about recognizing the change that can come when people who have experienced discrimination and violence reclaim a safe space for themselves and are supported by others in their efforts. We have seen this in Women Abuse Prevention Month and LGBT Pride Campaigns. Whether violence occurs because of one’s gender, age, race, religion, sexuality, socioeconomic status, other social indicators, or a combination of the above, it is never justified.

The City of Toronto has issued this statement about Black History Month: "Black History Month reminds us that African-Canadians have been at the forefront of the struggle for fair treatment and equal opportunity for all. It challenges us to reaffirm our efforts to address the causes and effects of racism and recommit ourselves to building an inclusive society." (http://www.toronto.ca/proclamations/2011/blackhistorymonth2011.htm)

A Brief Look at the History of Black History Month and the Civil Rights Movement:

February is set aside to celebrate and acknowledge the accomplishments and sacrifices of African-American/Canadians. Black history month first started in February 1926; it began as only a week long but expanded to the whole month of February in the 1970s. The month of February was chosen to coincide with the birthdays of Frederick Douglass, one of the leading abolitionists in the U.S, and Abraham Lincoln, who issued the Emancipation Proclamation, which declared that those enslaved in the U.S were declared free. These men helped drastically change the future of African-American/Canadians.

The Underground Railroad and Its Connection to Canada:

During the time of Slavery, Canada was known as a "free land" to those who were enslaved. Between 1840 and 1860, enslaved Africans followed the North Star on the Underground Railroad to find freedom in Canada. It is estimated that as many as 30000 enslaved Africans found freedom by way of the Underground Railroad. (Source – www.blackhistorycanada.ca)

Even though Canada was involved in positive ways, we also have a past deeply rooted in racism. Until the 1970s, there was a small town in Halifax, Nova Scotia called Africville. Africville was populated by former American Slaves who were promised equality but ended up selling themselves into slavery to survive. This is just one of the many examples of racism African-Canadians faced in Canada.

"As a nation with such diversity, all histories need to be known, all voices need to be expressed." - Rosemary Sadlier, Ontario Black History Society

The above quote does not only apply to one specific group of people, but to any group of people. Everyone is diverse and has the right to express their voice and their history. When you witness discrimination and violence speak up and be heard. It takes courage to take a stand, and it takes a stand to make change.

On August 28, 1963 Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his speech "I Have a Dream" to end racial inequality and discrimination. He said, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character".

Join Carleton University at their Black History Month Event on Thursday, February 17th, 2011 at Porter Hall, University Centre (231 UC). There will be a panel discussion, "Black Experience in Ottawa: Contribution and Challenges," from 10:00am to 12:00pm, followed by a screening of "Family Motel" from 1:00pm to 3:00pm. The event is free and open to the public. For more information email: african_studies@carleton.ca or cimss@carleton.ca.

Videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95tZgbY9_dQ - Black History Month - From Nothing to Something
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk - Martin Luther King Jr. Speech
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCy-c4EQVWQ - A Part of Our Heritage: Underground Railroad

For more information check out:
http://blackhistorycanada.ca/events.php?themeid=9&id=6
http://hrsbstaff.ednet.ns.ca/waymac/African%20Canadian%20Studies/Unit%208.%20Afro-Canada/africville.htm

OCTEVAW Letter Addresses Concerns Re: Winterlude Performance

2011-02-07T16:27:00.002-05:00

This letter is a response from the Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women to an event that happened at the opening ceremonies of Winterlude. We would love to hear your thoughts -- how would you have felt if you saw a similar performance? What would you have done?

The Honourable Chuck Strahl
Minister of Transport, Infrastructure and Communities
Tower C - 330 Sparks St.
Ottawa, On
K1A 0N5

The Honourable Lawrence Cannon
Minister of Foreign Affairs and Minister of State (National Capital Commission)
125 Sussex Dr.
Ottawa, On
K1A 0G2

February 7, 2011

Re: OCTEVAW’s response to the mock human sale during "Les 7 Doigts de la Main" performance at the opening ceremonies of Winterlude, Friday, February 4, 2011

Dear Minister Chuck Strahl and Minister Lawrence Cannon,

The Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women (OCTEVAW) is a coalition of organizations and individuals dedicated to ending violence against women and, through leadership, education, advocacy and political action, to promoting a coordinated response to women and their children who have experienced abuse. Our members include women’s centres and shelters, sexual assault and counselling agencies, community resource and health centres, victim services, child protection services, hospital and police representatives, the crown’s office, academic researchers and other concerned community members. We have collaborated for more than twenty years to ensure that our broad network of services work together for the best interests of women and children.

We would like to express our concern over the content of a performance entitled "Les 7 Doigts de la Main." The free twenty minute show was performed at the Canadian Museum of Civilization at 7 pm on Friday, February 4, 2011 during the opening ceremonies of Winterlude.

"Les 7 Doigts de la Main" a performance company from Montreal, featured four talented female acrobats using trapeze, hula-hoop, chains and gymnastics equipment to showcase their athletic and theatrical abilities. The third act featured one of the acrobats with chains. When she was led out, the host of the show addressed the audience by saying that they were going to auction off the woman to the highest bidder. He was trying to get men to participate from the audience by yelling out bidding amounts. He declared to the men that they should be encouraged to bid because "look at what she could do for you" with implications towards her body and flexibility. Finally, a young male audience member was pulled on stage from the front of the auditorium and was declared the winner. This young man was told that he was going to have a good time and was invited to sit on a chair on the stage to watch her. After her performance he was prompted to lead her off stage. After the forth acrobatic performance was completed, the woman from the chains routine walked back on stage holding the audience member’s hand with his sweatshirt in her hands, indicating the removal of clothing.

OCTEVAW believes that this type of display condones the objectification and the sexual exploitation of women. It sends a very public message that it is alright for us to joke about human slavery and sexual violence against women. Human trafficking is a very real problem here in Canada. Such spectacles stand in stark contrast with the work of many groups in our community, such as PACT-Ottawa. PACT-Ottawa aims to recognize the human dignity of trafficked persons and to change harmful attitudes, including the demand for sex slaves and the oppressive belief that slavery is entertaining.

OCTEVAW would like a direct explanation from the National Capital Commission and the Canadian Museum of Civilization as to how this type of content is permitted to air at a public, free and government-sponsored event like Winterlude.

Who is responsible for vetting the content of these performances? What will be done to rectify this situation now that the performance has aired? How will the harmful nature of this message be revoked or challenged?

After the show, I approached a man who an usher indicated to me was her boss. I requested the contact information of the person responsible for the show. The man’s reaction was hostile, evasive and demeaning. He proceeded to raise his voice, demanding to know "Why?" I briefly explained to him that I had a concern regarding the content of the show, specifically, the mock sale of a woman’s body. In a raised voice he stated, "I will not give you the information of anyone if you are going to be negative ... you can go on the internet." Shortly after that the conversation ended and I exited the auditorium with him yelling behind me “Sorry that you did not like the show.” I was unfortunately unable to get his name, but he did mention that he worked there and that he did not need to answer any of my questions.

Ottawa should be proud of our opening ceremonies for a winter festival that attracts many tourists. The events are anticipated and promoted as safe family entertainment. However, simply by attending this year’s event young people and other audience members may have internalized harmful messages that reduce women to sexual objects available to the highest bidder. There are women in this city who have survived trafficking and rape and witnessing such a show could have re-traumatizing effects, not to mention the treatment received afterwards when voicing a legitimate concern. The show stood on its own in terms of talent and merit and did not need to be marred by the mock sale of a human being. By allowing this segment of the show to air, the National Capital Commission and the Canadian Museum of Civilization have failed in their responsibility as community leaders to uphold the value of equality and dignity for women.

It is the responsibility of everyone, especially leaders in our community to take a stand against sexism and attitudes that mock violence against women. We hope that this prompts a public dialogue and that other community members come forward with their impressions of the piece. We look forward to hearing from you soon regarding your course of action.

Feel free to contact the OCTEVAW office at 613-725-3601 x105.

Sincerely,

Erin Williams

Executive Director
OCTEVAW
ed@octevaw-cocvff.ca
www.octevaw-cocvff.ca

Marie Lemay
Chair of the NCC40 Elgin St., Suite 202
Ottawa, On
K1P 1C7
marie.lemay@ncc-ccn.ca

Laura Bruneau
NCC Ombudsman
Suite 311, 40 Elgin St.
Ottawa, On
K1P 1C7

Victor Rabinovitch
President and Chief Executive Officer, Directorate
Canadian Museum of Civilization
victor.rabinovitch@civilization.ca

Jean-Marc Blais
Vice President, Exhibitions and Programs
Canadian Museum of Civilization
jean-marc.blais@civilization.ca

Les 7 Doigts de la Main
225 rue roy, bureau 205
Montreal, Québec
H2W 1M5
info@7doigts.com

Ottawa Mayor Jim Watson
Jim.Watson@ottawa.ca

PACT-Ottawa
pact_ottawa@yahoo.ca

CBC Radio One

Ottawa Citizen

Join the discussion! Write a comment or send a letter of your own.

Calling all youth in Ottawa!

2011-01-27T13:04:00.009-05:00

United Way Ottawa is offering a grant for up to $2500 to youth who want to make a positive impact on their community.

The United Way's Youth Action Panel is now accepting grant applications.

How to apply for a Youth Action Grant:

Organize a team.

Find a community sponsor (An organization that is a registered charity) to help run the project.

Develop your project idea. Why you want to do it and how you will make it happen.

Prepare a budget.

Write a proposal and send it to The United Way Ottawa by the March 1, 2011 Deadline.

For more information check out- http://www.cominfo-ottawa.org/Bulletin_Board/YA%20Grants%20Available%20Deadline%20March%201%202011.pdf

Shout out!

2011-01-20T10:37:00.015-05:00

We wanted to give a shout out to The Boys and Girls Club of Britannia; they invited us to do a workshop last night on Cyber Abuse and Textual Harassment. The workshop was full of lively discussions, a Scenario Challenge, as well as an improv tie breaker. Some topics covered in the workshop included how the use of Facebook and other social networking sites could be used to hurt someone, as well as cyber abuse that occurs by text/picture/phone/email.

We loved the experiences everyone shared, along with the interaction and input everyone gave throughout the presentation. A big thanks goes out to all of you for participating in the discussions and activities.

We would also like to thank the brave students that volunteered to do the improv skit, you guys did a great job!

What is Consent?

2011-01-18T11:25:00.013-05:00

Consent is giving permission. It is saying yes, freely. Consent is not saying no or maybe. Consent is a choice. Everyone is entitled to giving consent, always. Consent should be mutual, voluntary, and wanted. It must be talked about and agreed on. Consent is not forced, implied or assumed, even if you're in a relationship.

If you do not ask for consent, you are at risk of hurting and disrespecting someone else, as well as yourself.

"NO" means "NO"!

"No" means it's time to stop.

It doesn't mean slow down.

It doesn't mean "keep trying until I give in."

It doesn't mean "Yes. but I don't want to give in too easily."

"You're not my type" means "No."

"Please stop" means "No."
"Don't touch me" means "No."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready" means "No."

"I don't know if I want to" means "No."

"I think I've had too much to drink" means "No."

"I'm scared" means "No."

"Not now" means "No."

"No" means "No" and everyone should respect this.

For more information visit http://www.consentissexy.org/

Wrapping up 2010; Ringing in 2011

2011-01-07T10:47:00.009-05:00

Happy New Year! The In Love... and In Danger program wrapped up 2010 with a big project. Our first ever ILID handbook is officially at the printer. Soon, every school in Ottawa will have its very own copy. The handbook is filled with resources:

info/advice for teens who are experiencing abuse or who may want to help a friend in an unhealthy relationship,
statistics about different kinds of dating violence,
tools to help schools develop their own ILID projects,
a list of online and print documents on a wide range of topics relating to abuse,

The title page of our new handbook.

and much more!

An electronic copy of the handbook will be made available shortly on the Family Services à la famille Ottawa ILID website. We are excited to get it into your hands! Stay tuned...

ILID teams in Ottawa area high schools were also very busy wrapping up their projects for 2010. Several ILID teams created projects to raise awareness about violence against women for November's White Ribbon Campaign and for December 6th (National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women which also commemorates the Montreal Massacre). Some of these projects include:

St. Mark Catholic High School

Last year, all graduating students were asked to make a pledge, "these hands will not be used for violence." The students then left their painted hand print on a school wall, creating a mural in commemoration of all those who have suffered relationship violence. This year, the tradition was continued as the latest class of graduating students made their mark on the school wall. St. Mark students also added 14 black hand prints to the wall to represent the women who were murdered December 6, 1989.

Holy Trinity Catholic High School

Holy Trinity's ILID team created a Facebook page "Holy Trinity Catholic High School White Ribbon Campaign." The team posted "messages of the day" (stats and info about violence against women) to the page wall which were also read over the morning announcements. The school plans to send their concerns about the prevalence of violence against women to the office of Prime Minister Stephen Harper as well.

St. Patrick Catholic High School

St. Patrick's team of students organized a White Ribbon Day for December 6th. They sold white ribbons to over 700 students and staff members, who donated money and nonperishable items for the cause. At 10 am, they read a reflection on the announcements and a special prayer for all of the victims of abuse and their families. On the 7th, two students, along with their staff supervisors, went to Interval House to donate almost $600 as well as hundreds of nonperishable items.

Lots of great things happened in 2010. What are your plans for 2011? Please leave us a comment if you'd like to share your school or community anti-violence project.

National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women

2010-12-06T11:29:00.011-05:00

21 years ago, on December 6th, 1989, 14 young women were killed at École Polytechnique in Montreal. An enraged gunman walked through the hallways of École Polytechnique yelling "I want the women". The gunman entered an engineering class and before opening fire, he separated the women from the men, he called the women in the class "une gang de féministes." Stating "j'haïs les Féministes [I hate feminists]", the gunman then shot the women and himself.

In response to the Montreal Massacre, December 6th has been proclaimed National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. Commemorative events occur annually across Canada to remember those women who were killed and to continue to raise awareness about ending violence against women.

In 1991, following the Montreal Massacre, a group of men in Canada decided that they held a responsibility to speak out about violence against women. As a result, the White Ribbon Campaign was born. For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign, check out our blog post from last week.

December 6th Vigils:

Outdoor Vigil-6:00pm-Women's Monument at Minto Park, Elgin and Gilmore.

Indoor Vigil-7:30pm-All Saints Westboro and First United Church, 347 Richmond Road (just west of Churchill).

For more information visit:

OCTEVAW- http://www.octevaw-cocvff.ca/

White Ribbon Campaign- http://www.whiteribbon.ca/

CBC Archives- http://archives.cbc.ca/society/crime_justice/topics/398/

International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

2010-11-25T16:00:00.001-05:00

November is Woman Abuse Prevention month. Throughout the month, we step up our efforts to raise awareness about woman abuse and we celebrate projects that help to prevent woman abuse. Starting today, anti-violence groups across the world will be participating in sixteen days of action to end violence against women. The “Sixteen Days” campaign starts on November 25, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, and ends on December 10, International Human Rights Day. During the campaign, we will also commemorate key events in the history of violence against women, including remembering the fourteen women who died in the Montreal Massacre on December 6, 1989.

Here in Ottawa, one of the Woman Abuse Prevention month projects that the Sexual Assault Network and the Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women are spearheading is the popular White Ribbon Campaign. The White Ribbon Campaign engages men and boys to end violence against women. Those who choose to wear a white ribbon are making a personal pledge never to commit, condone, or remain silent about violence against women. A number of groups in Ottawa have chosen to participate, including the Ottawa Police Service, the Ottawa Hospital, Ottawa Victim Services, Family Services à la famille Ottawa, Ottawa Carleton Detention Centre and Woodroffe High School. Check out OCTEVAW’s website for more information on Woman Abuse Prevention Month, the White Ribbon Campaign in Ottawa and what you can do to support both.

Leave us a comment – what activities are you organizing in November to show your support for the elimination of violence against women?

Opportunity is Knocking

2010-11-10T14:34:00.011-05:00

There is an awesome opportunity to get involved and give the youth in your community a voice!

In Ontario, The Ministry of Children and Youth Services is looking for ways to involve youth in the development of a Youth Policy Framework.

They are creating a Youth Development Committee. The committee will be a team of 22 young people, who will work with the Ministry to make sure the voices of youth are heard. The committee members will help the government connect with other youth in communities across Ontario and work with experts to contribute to the development of the Youth Policy Framework.

If you are between the ages of 18-25, you are invited to apply to participate on the Youth Development Committee.

For more information on the Youth Policy Framework, the Youth Development Committee and other ways to get involved, visit, http://www.youthconnect.ca/

The deadline is soon approaching, NOVEMBER 21st; don't miss out on this amazing opportunity!

What a Success!

2010-11-08T09:27:00.008-05:00

The In Love...And In Danger conference that was held on Thursday November 4th 2010 was a great success. Over 250 students from 25 different schools were in attendance to show their support to help end dating violence. The day was full of activities, prizes, and workshops. There were 3 keynote speakers, including a young woman who shared her story of abuse in her own life. The conference was lively, loud, and fun! Come see for yourself, join us at the In Love...And In Danger Spring Conference.

A special thanks goes out to all the adult supporters, FSFO, OCDSB, OCCSB, All those who spoke at the conference, Black Affinity, Interval House, New Directions, the ILID committee, those working behind the scenes, and all the students that attended the conference. This years conference wouldn't have been as successful without all your help.

We look forward to meeting again in the spring and hearing all the great projects each school has come up with.

2010 Fall Conference

2010-10-27T11:14:00.009-04:00

In Love...and In Danger's Fall Conference is soon approaching...only 7 days left!

This year's conference will be filled with more information, new speakers, and great activities to help raise awareness of dating violence. There will be prizes, giveaways, and a return of subway for lunch!

There are 20 confirmed schools with over 200 students participating, so come out meet new people and help end dating violence together.

We cannot wait to see you all on November 4th and hope you are as excited as we are!

Spirit Day October 20th

2010-10-18T12:53:00.011-04:00

Show your support and wear purple on Wednesday, October 20, 2010!

October 20th is a commemorative day to honor those who have taken their own lives due to homophobic abuse. In the past weeks, eleven young men and women have taken their own lives. Spirit day is a day to honor them, as well as the thousands that are victims of homophobic abuse.

We are all human beings deserving of love, compassion, and acceptance regardless of our gender, gender identity, and sexuality. Purple is a symbolic gesture to show your support, to honor those we have lost, and to let others know that they are not alone.

Purple represents Spirit on the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Two spirit, and Queer/ Questioning(LGBTTQ) flag. Show your spirit and support by wearing purple.

For more information check out one of the many Spirit Day Facebook pages:

www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=144778572233301

To be who you are is to be enough.

To share who you are is to share enough.

To do what you love is to do enough.

Never doubt your worth, and always know,

without any doubt, that you are

truly valued and deeply loved.

Some resources in Ottawa for LGBTTQ youth and LGBTTQ families:

Around The Rainbow- http://www.aroundtherainbow.org/ a Program of Family Services à la Famille Ottawa http://www.familyservicesottawa.org/
Pink Triangle Services- http://www.pinktriangle.org/
Ten Oaks Project- http://www.tenoaksproject.org/

Self-Esteem and Self- Confidence

2010-10-13T11:12:00.008-04:00

"You can't touch it, but it affects how you feel. You can't see it, but it's there when you look at yourself in the mirror. You can't hear it, but it's there every time you talk about yourself"
- Kidshealth.org

Self-esteem is the importance or value you place on yourself. It is how you see yourself and how you feel about your achievements. It is about how much you feel valued, loved, and accepted. Self-esteem is not bragging about how great you are or thinking that you are perfect. Self-esteem is knowing that you're worth a lot and that you're worthy of being loved and accepted.

We all experience problems with self-esteem at certain times in our lives, especially during our teen years when we are figuring out who we are and where we fit in. Remember, self-esteem is NOT fixed for life, you can always improve it.

Here are some tips...

Look for a role model (someone who is confident in themselves) and learn from them. What is it that they do that makes them confident, how do they act?
Focus on your achievements rather than your failures. If you do find yourself thinking about how you failed then look at what you managed to do right and how you could correct what you did next time.
When you do feel good about yourself, acknowledge that feeling. Try to do at least one thing every day that makes you feel good about yourself.
Act self confident! You will feel more confident.
Focus on who you are and what you like about yourself
Reward yourself when you succeed no matter how small the achievement.
Be yourself and accept that life is not a race against others.

If you are in a relationship and your partner puts you down here are some things you can do:

Stand up for yourself, let your partner know that what they have said has hurt your feelings. Let them know that you have respect for yourself and expect others to do the same.
Ask why your partner is treating you this way and why they think it is OK to treat you like that.
Be consistent. If you have spoken to your partner and they have agreed to stop putting you down, but the behavior continues, remind them that you have already asked them to stop and they agreed to do so. Tell them that you are not going to put up with it anymore. Show strength and confidence in yourself and your decisions.
Consider the possibility of ending the relationship. If your partner will not respect you, no matter what you say to them or how many chances you have given him or her, accept the fact that their behavior is unlikely to change and that you deserve to be with someone who treats you well.

Click below to watch a video on self-esteem and self-confidence:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWzbIVwGd1E

What are some of your tips and advice on self-esteem and self-confidence?

Take Back the Night March

2010-09-22T10:17:00.003-04:00

Take BACK the NIGHT 2010

A MARCH FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN

Thursday, September 23, 2010, come on out with your noise makers, whistles, drums and join in the march to raise awareness of safety issues for women and to protest violence against women and children.

When and Where:

5:30pm Rally at Parliament Hill

6:15pm March through the Market

7:15 - 9:00pm Info Fair- City Hall

What is Take Back the Night?

Take back the night (also known as Reclaim the Night) is an internationally held march and rally intended as a protest and direct action against rape and other forms of sexual violence.

WHY WE MARCH

To stand together, refusing to be silent about sexual violence.

To state our refusal to take responsibility for sexual harassment, sexual assault, child sexual abuse, incest and battering, and recognizing that only the perpetrator of these crimes is to blame.

To celebrate the steps we are taking to support each other and to create change.
To experience the freedom of what it is like to walk at night and not be dependant on the protection of men.

To remind each other that as individuals we have strength and together we are even stronger.

To remember our sisters who have survived, and those who have been taken from us, as a result of violence.

To shout out our desire to live freely without the threat and fear of violence.

For more information, or to volunteer, please call 613-230-6700 or email communityevents@wiseottawa.ca

http://www.octevaw-cocvff.ca/en/node/281#attachments
http://www.takebackthenight.org/

Don't forget to come out and show your support!

OCTEVAW Talks Twilight

2010-08-24T12:57:00.001-04:00

In response to OCTEVAW's letter about Melinda Morgan's Twilight research study, CBC invited OCTEVAW Director Erin Williams for an interview on Monday.

Listen to the follow-up interview clip on the player below or at the Ottawa Morning website in the Story Archive (look for Twilight Violence, August 23).

We'd love to hear from you -- what do you think about Edward and Bella's relationship?

Camp Edward? A discussion about Twilight on CBC's Ottawa Morning

2010-08-19T17:35:00.000-04:00

Today, Ottawa Morning host Kathleen Petty interviewed Ph.D student Melinda Morgan who is researching "the effects of Twilight on real life romantic relationships." Check out the brief clip here: http://www.cbc.ca/ottawamorning/archives.html. In the archive, search for August 19. The clip is titled "Twilight Study."

In response to this interview, the Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women had some thoughts to share:

August 19, 2010

CBC Ottawa - Ottawa Morning

Re: OCTEVAW responds to the Ottawa U research studying Twilight and the relationship between Bella and Edward

Thank you for interviewing the University of Ottawa PhD student Melinda Morgan studying Twilight and the relationship between Bella and Edward. Research like this is important because it allows us to see the affects that pop culture has on our real life norms and behaviours in intimate partnerships.

As a coalition working to end violence against women, we are concerned about the romanticization of the “controlling and over-protective” behaviours exhibited by Edward and the impact this romanticizing has on the way that women interpret healthy relationships. In our society, we need to stop associating the themes of danger and violence with passion and romance.

We have spoken to many high school students about dating violence and after hearing the warning signs of abuse, they are able to identify numerous signs within the Twilight series, i.e., Edward does not allow Bella to go places without him, he seems to know everything she does, he enters her home unannounced and watches her sleep in an obsessive state. In addition, the researcher mentioned that Edward’s sole priority is Bella. The fact that a man has a complete focus on his partner is not romantic, it is unhealthy. Unfortunately, the series goes further with the romance of kissing Bella entwined with the violence of biting her. That sends the message that love and abuse can coexist in intimate relationships.

Edward’s behaviours are unhealthy and abusive. Violence against women is about power and control. When a man feels as though he possesses a woman, that feeling can and frequently does escalate to behaviour motivated by extreme jealousy. This can include the isolation of her friends and family, calling or texting her many times throughout a day, stalking, criminal harassment and physical and sexual abuse.

So as a community filled with activists, journalists, academics and many others - what can we do?

We need to send positive messages to our young women and men to help them critically assess what they see in the media, what they watch on TV and what they read. It is about having a conversation around the content of books and movies that bring up the nuances of unhealthy relationship behaviours that romanticize abuse.
We need to deconstruct and speak out against pop culture phenomena in ways that do not paternalize women and give men permission to be abusive.
We need to have discussions with youth and adults about the warnings signs of abuse versus healthy relationship behaviours, safety planning and finding meaningful resources.
We need research that addresses these issues head on.

Ms. Morgan and her research team are in a privileged position as academics to do some really interesting and meaningful research. We hope that they will seek out the resources available to them around abuse and dating violence and include this crucial analytical component in their findings. The Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women (OCTEVAW) would welcome the collaboration.

Let us know what you think about Twilight!

It's Your Year. Let's Hear Your Voice!

2010-08-12T13:18:00.000-04:00

It’s August 12 - Happy International Youth Day! Today, the UN also kicks off the International Year of Youth (IYY) with celebrations at UN Headquarters in New York and around the world. The theme for the year is Dialogue and Mutual Understanding. According to the UN guide on IYY, “the Year aims to promote the ideals of peace, respect for human rights and solidarity across generations, cultures, religions and civilizations.” (http://www.un.org/esa/socdev/unyin/documents/iyy/guide.pdf)

In Ottawa high schools, In Love… and in Danger (ILID) youth teams work hard throughout the year to educate their peers about ending violence in dating relationships. They raise money for local shelters, share information, engage in dialogue about abuse, and encourage their peers to make healthy relationship choices. They make CHANGE in their communities. When I have the privilege of meeting ILID youth at our semi-annual conferences, I am always blown away by their energy and passion. ILID members, you stand in solidarity with your peers, actively promoting the UN ideals listed above.

Did you know that youth ages 15-24 make up 18% of the global population? That’s over 1.2 billion people! It’s exciting to think about 1.2 billion youth around the globe working to effect change in equally significant ways. The official slogan for the IYY is “Our Year. Our Voice.” In celebration of the many contributions that youth bring to our communities, raise your voice and post a comment about awesome youth initiatives happening where you live.

If you are creating an event in celebration of the IYY, you can also register it on the UN Youth Calendar of Events: http://social.un.org/iyyevents

"Healthy Dating? There's an app for that!" - The YWCA Safety Siren

2010-07-23T15:26:00.000-04:00

A friend showed me YWCA's "Safety Siren" iPhone app today. It's free and it's bilingual. In an emergency, the user presses the Safety Siren emergency button on their iPhone and the siren calls and e-mails a pre-programmed contact with the coordinates of the user's geo-location. Also included in the app is information about healthy dating relationships and contacts for emergency hotlines and other available community resources.

In theory, I am in favour of such an app. I imagine that its users will learn and benefit from its resources. But the app also got me thinking about:

1.) Privilege

Who can use the Safety Siren? Despite iPhone's popularity, it caters to a higher-income demographic; this technology is available only to those who can afford an iPhone.

2.) This is a real emergency!

I wonder about emergency situations where calls that should go to police are instead directed to a friend or family member... and what happens when a user's emergency contact does not get the phone call (or e-mail!) immediately?

3.) The boy/girl who cried wolf...

Given the number of times people accidentally "pocket-dial" one of their contacts, I hope that false alarms from the app would not leave emergency contacts thinking that "it's just another false alarm."

4.) Apps in the Context of Preventing Dating Violence

In our society, we place a lot of burden on victims to protect themselves. We also tend to perpetuate the myth that abusers are strangers. In reality, most abuse happens to women by men they know and trust. We need to examine the social systems that allow dating violence to continue and put our energy into stopping this kind of violence before it starts.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm in favour of apps aimed to protect those who may find themselves in dangerous situations. I commend the YWCA for their innovative thinking; there's no denying that people, and teens in particular, tend to bring their iPhones everywhere with them. If even one person uses the app to get information about healthy relationships or uses it to call for help in a violent dating situation, then it will have done its job. What do you think?

Check out the app here: http://itunes.apple.com/ca/app/ywca-safety-siren/id372269044?mt=8

Check out the YWCA Online Mall page, with information about the app, here: http://ywcacanada.ca/en/pages/mall/apps

YWCA on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ywcacanada